Though My Eyes Shed No Tears
by thisisnotmybeautifulhouse
Summary: ... I've had my heart broken. "It was never meant to be like this." A short AU reconciling the events of season four with Arthurian legend.


As he watched the two figures of the people who had once been his closest friends fade into the darkness of the night which sheltered them from searching eyes, Merlin wondered how everything had gone so wrong. For several years after he had finally revealed himself to Arthur - while saving him from Morgana's latest vengeful attempt on his life - things in Camelot had prospered. Oh, the change had not been immediate. Arthur had been furious and hurt, in the beginning. But gradually, the cold and tense silence between the two of them had eased, and Arthur began to slowly lift the laws against magic, allowing sorcerers, witches, and warlocks back into the land. Merlin would always look back on the day Arthur met Aithusa with fondness. The love that the king felt for that little dragon was astounding, and he knew that Aithusa was responsible for healing the rift between him and Arthur for good. Shortly after the young dragon entered Arthur's life, he named Merlin as Court Sorcerer, and magic users from all over Albion gathered in the citadel to celebrate the long-awaited day with Emrys, their beacon of hope.

Arthur had led Camelot to victory against several other kingdoms that sought to exploit the uncertainty of a new king, uniting the land, bringing in young men willing to pledge their loyalty to sit at the round table which Arthur had asked Merlin to form out of magic, saying he wanted their foundations to be the same as the bonds which held the kingdom together; trust and magic. Arthur and Gwen married and the people rejoiced at having one of their own standing beside the king. Lancelot was brought back from the veil between the living and the dead and he became the best knight in the kingdom, as well as the queen's champion.

Merlin supposed this was where the trouble had begun; everyone could see the love between the two once-peasants take root, whereas before it had been an intangible, nebulous thing. Arthur waved the rumors off in public, but Merlin had seen the shadows behind his smiling eyes and had been there for him in the private moments when his friend could no longer keep up the pretense.

For several years, the four of them had played a dangerous game, the best of friends in the spotlight, tense and withdrawn when hidden from prying eyes.

During this time of détente, the kingdom had continued to grow and flourish, and Merlin's private war with Morgana had existed outside of the peaceful, idyllic world in which all of his loved ones lived.

Then, Morgana had laid a trap, disguising herself as an envoy of Camelot, convincing several of the younger knights to turn back from a patrol early, believing they had been summoned by their king. When they arrived back in the common room of the knight's quarters in the castle, they found the First Knight and his Queen locked in a passionate embrace.

Hands tied by the law, Arthur had imprisoned Lancelot and Guinevere, condemning them to death for committing treason. Immediately following the decree, he went to Merlin and instructed him to smuggle the two lovers out of Camelot that very night. He had given his closest friend a scroll which the warlock then proceeded to seal with an image they had taken to using for private correspondence with their allies, of a dragon crouched around a sword sheathed in stone. The letter was intended for Queen Annis, and would open to her eyes alone due to the magic of the seal. This letter beseeched their friend to accept the two fugitives as her own, and protect them should anyone come seeking to bring them harm.

Merlin had snuck into the dungeons under a spell which made him invisible to prying eyes, liberated the two lovers and spirited them from the castle, giving them the letter just before he sent them off.

Now, Merlin stood bereft outside of the castle walls. He should go to Arthur, to his friend and offer him what comfort he could. But how could he hope to hold his other half together, when he himself was already flayed open and flying into a thousand pieces?

It was never meant to be like this.

**This was written in November of 2011, some time before 4x09 aired. I mostly wrote it because I couldn't get the tagline for this fic out of my head, and because I was kind of miffed about Lancelot biting the dust in 4x02, even though it was such a James Dean way to go - walking boldly into the darkness, with that smile on his face. Oh my Jeepers. Why couldn't they have left him like that, rather than tainting it with everything that happened in 4x09? Inquiring minds want to know.**


End file.
